Not so long ago people knew their relations unto third, fourth and fifth generations. The greatest use of the huge family tree came during marriage. In India, where the marriages are arranged by the relatives, much information about the proposed boy/girl and the family wouldn’t be available on hand. But there might be some distant relation living near by. He would supply the needed information on the past history, wealth, social status etc. Everyone was well networked (without much help from FB, orkut).
In these turbulent times, we are not even aware of who is staying next door, let alone our relations. So the pre-marriage enquiry has come onto a big crisis.
The common practice today is to enquire with the friend’s friend’s friend who studied/worked with the boy/girl. I have come across many predicaments as a result of this.
My good friend was enquiring about a girl he was supposed to get engaged to. She studied with me in college. He wanted to know if she had any secret affairs. The only information available to me was rumors. I have no proof for them. So should I dispense with the rumors?
On another occasion, a friend of mine asked me about a guy who was supposed to marry her friend. She wanted to know if the guy drinks. I had an information that the guy had taken to bottle when some girl dumped him. And if I dispense with my knowledge I might be denying him a new life!
17 comments:
I know a lot of you will not agree with me.As for marriage is concerned,my belief and experience is that one is destined to marry a given partner.
As for thyme networking is concerned,we have reached this stage as the system of joint family has cracked,system of having one child is by choice,husband/wife have both become professionally and economically independent and hence the "network" connection is lost.
cant help in these situations...
BUT...
if somebody asks about me, you know what to do, right? ;)
Your are indeed in a predicament - my advice is to be honest say "you heard" but you never saw any evidence yourself.
Drinking is a huge social problem and I am tired of how it is glorified without looking at the damage it does to families.
now this is an interesting post.....so in the end how did u answer those questions???
John:
I guess you played by what your instincts told you to do. One should never share the rumours that have been in the rounds. Until we haven't seen anything, why should we comment. The best is for the guy and the girl to sit down and have a good talk about life and the expectations.
Joy always,
Susan
@BKC sir...u r very right..as usual
@Praveen
Believe me...they won't ask a second opinion when they see ur foto
@madame... That beats me...the real reason is Alcohol is seen as a source of income rather...so big players get involved and drinking is potrayed as a symbol of social status
simply me...regarding the guy, I said the truth partially
@susan...chat...I doubt if everyone reveal themselves fully!
Go with your instincts... a little bit of cover up is allowed... but depends what are you covering up and fro whom!
Hold your tongue, my friend. A background information would mean a track record, in my opinion. Not stray rumors.
@karan and Rachna..yea discretion is d best solution
Since those were rumours, it is best to hold your tongue. And I quite agree with Mr. BK Chowla's comment. Some things are beyond us. Even if you tell your friend about the rumours and even if they prove to be true, who knows, they still might get married!
Haha very true
Hmm...a tough dilemma. And just because the girl had a few affairs or the guy drinks is no basis to judge the person's character.
But if your friends insist on the truth, you can always say...rumour has it.
iam curious to know wht u did tell them...i happen to agree with Purba regarding this, mainly becoz I have seen people changing...my theory is this, that when someone asks someone abt someone, its best to say that u dont know them that well,if u dont have anything nice to say abt them...truth ,i have felt, is that generally we dont know much abt people than wht we are allowed to see.
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