Monday, August 29, 2016

Movie Review -Pretham (Malayalam)

Do you want to make a Malayalam movie. It's quite easy now. Please ensure the following ingredients are there in the mix :

1. A shallow script  

2. A mix of friends . The hero has to be chisel cut. One out of shape guy is inevitable, who would remind you that obesity is quite cool.

  3. The protagonist should be an engineering/ medical graduate who didn't complete his course because he wanted to be a singer. He must obviously be from a rich family and is in logger heads with his dad.  

4. It's advisable to shoot in Kochi or some exotic location.  

5. The men has to speak in Cochin/ Thrissur slang with a tinge of English.  

6. Home bred ladies have to speak in Thrissur/ Palakkad slang. The cool girls have to do Manglish NRI slang.  

7. There should be a modern girl with slim body and big tits. She should be proud of her 'structure'. The guys have to openly remark about it and the girl should be very comfortable in it. She shouldn't mind spending a room with a random guy because she wants to borrow his book. There should be not-so-very sly references on anatomy/ sexual conquests of women. Well that is what you mean when we talk about female-oriented roles. If there is a horny guy coming in to solve the issues of protagonists, he will carry a license to grab your ass. Women love it you know.  

8. Jokes can be borrowed from internet/ email.

9. The whole concept can be a remix of some old cinema.  

10. Dialogues can also be straight out of hit movies of yesteryear.  

11. Then you may remark that this is a stupid movie after all. Candid you know.  

12. Some horrid lighting and camera angles.  

13. Songs with a catchy BGM and a single line that keeps repeating. Vineeth Sreenivasan is a good option if your song writer is a high school drop out who doesn't know the language  

After mixing all this into a heady concoction open a facebook and Twitter page. Pay them to trend it. Write some fake reviews. Release posters with weird shoots and even weird names  

You have a hit

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