Uhh the life choices

Having. a cousin of your own age can be tricky. And worse, when he's rich.

When Juls' dad married my aunt they were an ordinary family. He went off to Gulf and made a lot of dough. Jul have had a great time, being the only son. He went around the globe, screwed the prettiest girls, had a great life. Now he's planning to settle down to a good domesticated girl from 'ancient Christian family'. Now whatever that means I don't know.

Now my folks , on hearing that, have decided its time I settle down too. I said mom, I don't have the capital to settle down. Moreover I don't have the guts to tell them I don't want any domesticated version.

Facebook couples

Facebook is a window to the users soul. A few years ago the people my age were busy getting married.

Firstly the announcement of 'I'm in a relationship' would come. Then It's the event invitation announcing he/she got hitched and you be there to witness event of the century.

The walls were filled with beautiful wedding photos, very much tailored by PhotoShop. The profile picture changed to the lovey dovey couple. They were so eager to announce to the world that this was a match made in heaven.

Then came the honeymoon pics. The girl looking cute and hot & the boy  very handsome. It seemed the couple were accidentally stuck using a strong adhesive and they never will separate. The location would be straight out of some post card. A little rich would go as far as to Switzerland to rewind the Yash Chopra magic.

Soon the profile picture would cut itself to half. If they were foolish enough for unprotected love, then the cute little baby would do the honours . Some would be even more dumb to share the passwords in the days of passion. Then there will be a scramble to reset.

Once upon a time people who were idealistic enough to chat will be very much alive late into midnight.

The marriage sites saga

When it comes to marriage we Indians are still traditional- atleast in this southern tip of the country. Even among the ‘progressive’ families there is rarely a marriage borne out of love, dating. The process goes something like this- the boy/girl dates someone in high school and promises to live happily ever after. Then they realize at the college that it was a puppy love and decides to make a more matured decision. Throughout the college they come across some 8-10 suitable people to share the rest of their life with. They may end up living with the last one at the end. Or, as commonly seen, they ditch the last one after college and leave it all to parents.

The tough thing for the parents about arranging a bride/groom for the child is they may not be able to find the ‘right’ person soon enough. In the process the best age to marry off may pass away leaving the parents and the child in dire straits.

So the marriage sites come very handy to these poor souls. When I relocated to Ernakulam, I had to stay with my long time friend as a temporary solution. So he told me about this new trend. But the marriage sites don’t come cheap. It will burn a cool 5k bucks annually. And the religious denominations have started versions of their own to see the sheep in their fold doesn’t stray away.

But it’s not easy to simply put up a profile. Obviously people have exaggerated their qualities a bit to get ‘interests’. Blessed is the man who believes without seeing. So my friend fished out some beautiful girls. Sadly, his parents discovered that he has some minor defects in his horoscope. Now horoscope is the greatest villain in Indian marriages. Even the ‘madly-in-love’ dare not defy the horoscopes even if they defy their parents. My friend laments that he had to forego any chance to wed a beautiful wife and is waiting for the rare occurrence of a matching horoscope.

But he narrated the plight of another friend of his to forget the sorrows. This guy is short in stature, average looking and is not a high earner. He dreams of marrying a Miss India or someone with close resemblance. So every day he logs on to his profile and ‘expresses interest’ in every good looking girl. The next morning he finds out every one has turned up the ‘no interest’ flag. Out of grave frustration he hits the bottle that night and invites his friends to share his misery (everything on the house). The next morning he wakes up a new man and ‘expresses interest’ to a fresh set.

So one day he comes across an over aged girl with no job and hot looks. Now this was the chance to hit the bull’s eye. Apparently she must be frustrated like him, searching. He surely would fix this one. He ‘expressed interest’. He waits for a day or two with no reply coming. Surely this is going to work. Sadly on the fourth day she too expressed horror. He hit the bottle with a vengeance that night.

Lesson-2 The Hurt Locker

Yesterday I happened to see my colleagues laughing over a piece of paper. I went over and they pushed an old piece of paper to me. It had some thing scribbled in an old version of Malayalam. The form of writing and language had been discarded ages ago. He must have been well educated but rustic. I strained my eyes to pick a word or two to pick up the humor. At last they told me what the letter was about.

Apparently an old couple started a locker in the bank years ago. Out of love they had agreed that any one can come up and operate it in the absence of other. Like any good old marriages of the present times, the relation hit bad weather. The old man moved the court and made the locker status ‘joint’. The couple had to come together to operate the locker. He didn’t want his wife to walk away with all the loot.

But the old man’s suspicions weren’t over. He firmly believed that his wife was somehow double crossing him to loot the locker. A few years ago he came to the bank and made a ruckus. The poor old man didn’t have the locker number even. He wrote this letter to the branch manager asking him for the assurance that his wealth was safe and sound.

Interestingly bank doesn’t maintain or monitor the possessions you keep in your locker. It’s a nice secret you can maintain for yourself. And the poor old man didn’t know his locker number too. After over an year the old man returned again yesterday. He made the same old ruckus. Thankfully the locker number was found out. He wanted a reply to his old letter. The manager replied him:

‘Sir please pay for the annual arrears of Rs.1000 towards the locker maintenance.’

Network

Not so long ago people knew their relations unto third, fourth and fifth generations. The greatest use of the huge family tree came during marriage. In India, where the marriages are arranged by the relatives, much information about the proposed boy/girl and the family wouldn’t be available on hand. But there might be some distant relation living near by. He would supply the needed information on the past history, wealth, social status etc. Everyone was well networked (without much help from FB, orkut).

In these turbulent times, we are not even aware of who is staying next door, let alone our relations. So the pre-marriage enquiry has come onto a big crisis.

The common practice today is to enquire with the friend’s friend’s friend who studied/worked with the boy/girl. I have come across many predicaments as a result of this.

My good friend was enquiring about a girl he was supposed to get engaged to. She studied with me in college. He wanted to know if she had any secret affairs. The only information available to me was rumors. I have no proof for them. So should I dispense with the rumors?

On another occasion, a friend of mine asked me about a guy who was supposed to marry her friend. She wanted to know if the guy drinks. I had an information that the guy had taken to bottle when some girl dumped him. And if I dispense with my knowledge I might be denying him a new life!

Pre Marriage

The days have become lonely at the work-place. My fellow ‘bitch-the-management’ mates moved out. So there is no more ‘bitching’ sessions and the coffee breaks have grown shorter.

But there is a group sitting near me who gets together for short chats. Although I am not part of the gang, I love eaves-dropping into their tidbits while pretending to work.

And there is this really beautiful lady in their group who is fast approaching the upper limit of marriageable age (Yea, I dream of her always, err secretly). She started talking about a marriage proposal that came in her way.

The chat-mates got around and started tearing apart the boy piece by piece. She said, ‘I heard that the guy is professionally useless’. I gulped. The poor boy was being disrobed here without his knowledge. God knows, how many allegations are true.

Someday I would be disrobed too, may be a thousand times. Boy, marriage sucks…big time.

Squabbles

My parents have been married to each other for some 25+ years. Dad and mom is very sensitive. Their egos get hurt easily and we get to see a fight once in 3-4 weeks. They recollect all the fights from DAY 1 and they blame each other.

The next day they won’t speak to each other for some time. Soon they team up together and we children get the scolding.

During the inter parent shouting matches my dad used to compare our household with the neighbor. They have a loving dad, smart mom and ever smiling kids. We never heard blood chilling shouts from their house.

‘The lucky man!’

A few days ago ‘The lucky man’ started growing a beard. One day my brother told me that everything is not sweet in the neighboring home. He started drinking and sister says the nagging wife is the reason.

My poor dad has no one to compare. He isn’t so desperate to start drinking and 55 isn’t a good age to start.

Successful Marriages aren’t made of fight-free life. It’s only when the tempers flare up that we bare ourselves out completely. So small fights are good once in a while. The ‘success’ is how well we patch up.