Rich Catch

The last day the dinner table at our humble home was set on fire when Mom let out the juicy gossip of the day. The middle-class-average profiled- Christian- guy is marrying the daughter of  a filthy rich Hindu abkari contractor.

The filthy rich businessman belongs to a famously notorious family. He donned the garb of anti-corruption crusader and then married his other daughter to the son of most corrupt minister in the state. Now you may have got some idea of who is who in the story?

I wondered who might the lucky guy be, who hit the jackpot as Dad went bonkers about the Christians youths drifting away from the religion doing inter caste marriages. Apparently long long long ago Israelites were entrapped by their neighbourhood enemies by seducing them into sexual orgy with women of other faith. I spent good part  of my childhood wondering about men who sacrificed their women for the orgies and Israeli women who sat at home and baked breads as their husbands came back home tired after hard day of orgy.

Let us move away from the orgy and come to the point. Dad went on and on about the lost souls. And I told him the dumb guy would make a fat donation and buy back his soul. What is it that money can’t do?

 

LOVE IS BLIND, BUT MAKE SURE THE FATHER IN LAW HAS A FAT WALLET AND NO ONE TO SHARE IT WITH

Valentines

Years ago February 14th was a dayI would look forward to. Atleast till the end of the day.

Every single 14th of Feb I hoped someone would walk to me with the red rose. It was said that hitched couples should cometo college in white dress and singles in black ones.

In the mornings I looked on with jealousy as the guys in white shirt and blue jeans proudly showed off their Valentines day gifts. They went into some fancy coffee shops in the evenings and proudly proclaimed their love.

Decades have just gone by. I wonder if they regret having spent all the money and time on some girl whom they would never marry.
Today I don't have anything much to write. The last day someone messaged in anonymous mode about dozens of girlfriends I have. How far removed, very far removed.

Anyway enjoy guys , have a good fuck

Love in the texts

Its late into night. Both the SMSes are about to crash into bed

I: One last qn. Why haven’t u fallen in love yet? Why have the boys spared u, with all the killer looks.

She: :D Have u ever fallen in love?

I: Yes, I have fallen and I have hurt myself

She: Y? What went wrong?

I : Nothing. I didn’t have the courage to tell her. Besides I fell in love with bachelorhood

She: So she never known?

Me: No

Silence

Silence

Silence

I: Hey an advice… Should I tell her how much I love her. But I cant marry so soon. I need time.

She: Its up to you to decide.

I start thinking furiously. May be if I tell her, I would lose a great friend, a great bitch, But at some point of time you need to take the risk and live with it The Send button was longest ever I clicked

Me: Jasmone I Love You

The first time I proposed anyone in life. Wish it was bit more romantic!! But ‘She’ is a tough nut to crack

I hate I hate luv stories

Considering the proximity of V-day and my inability to celebrate V-day all the 25 years of my life, I decided to watch a pucca Bollywood love story with a very strange name ‘I hate Luv Story’. Well, there is a history behind my choice. The girl whom I went with for ‘Golmaal3’ promised me it was a ‘chweet’ movie. After seeing the movie I’ll have to redefine the word ‘chweet’ in my vocabulary.

I have very much limited knowledge in Hindi but I hope my grammar is right when I say, ‘Kitna Khattiya film hain yaar’. The movie is supposed to be a funny take on the clichés in romantic concepts of Hindi film. Strangely the movie is over burdened with clichés. Please do not mistake that I am doling out a review. It has become a passion and fashion for us to beat the hell out of badly made movies. I think it’s sadistic than the half hearted attempts from so called directors. There are movies which deserve criticism and the ones which have to be ignored. (To be frank I too love those reviews in Hindustan Times where the writer takes pleasure in doing autopsy on the dead-born child)

The good part of movie is the balanced acting from Imran Khan and Sonam Kapoor. Imran is a wood work wonder. Even a bull dozer about to mow him down cannot extract any ‘acting’ from him. When I pointed out his skills in JTYJN, my friends assured me he will do well. Strangely I have got a chance to see all his movies thereafter- Kidnap, Luck. He is doing a research on’ how badly you can do it’. Speaking on Sonam- she is tall and handsome. She wears the trendiest of clothes. But the bloody smile has started getting onto our nerves. She is said to have done her acting lessons out there in New York. They should have told her it’s not good to grin throughout a movie.

On the other facts on the movie-there is no such thing as a sub-plot. So there are no other characters except for the hero and heroine. The cinematography and editing is one of the most ordinary I have seen. Then there is this humor element, which is a sort of surprise. There were a few good jokes which were badly missed out due to poor timing. Then there was this double entendre. It has become quite fashionable to crack out a dirty joke. It gets assured laugh from family audience and the kids know their parents are enjoying something they will understand when they grow up. Even the scissor friendly censor boards do not bother about the cultural impact of these films.
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Okay anyways, I am going to tell you a better love story. The love story which lasts for life time.
We were a batch of students who joined our company fresh out of college. We were given training on software engineering. We were from different parts of India. There was this guy from Punjab and that girl from Delhi. She was already hitched to her college mate. But then it’s quite a popular knowledge that when you rate the girls from various parts of India on their ‘faithfulness’- the ones from Delhi fall into one extreme of table and the Tamils fall into other. The guy, Sagil, was quite bravado. He proposed the girl, Sriti, knowing very well that she was hooked. She rejected it with a heavy heart. Sagil was not the one who easily gave up. He hung on, well of course as a friend. But every once in a while he did remind her of her boyfriend’s relative poverty.

Then all of a sudden the villain ‘recession’ struck. The boyfriend lost his job. Sagil got the opportunity of lifetime. He rammed into her head the hazards of having to put up with a jobless guy. The story goes that Sriti called up the poor boyfriend and told him that she was too ashamed to tell people that her fiancé is jobless. Well of course he had seen it coming and tried his best to get some kind of job. But ‘some kind of job’ wouldn’t fool Sriti.

Recently I came across Sagil’s and Sriti’s engagement photos in FB. They looked well and happy. One hell of a love story from a land of immortal love.
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Speaking of sweet naughty jokes, I tried to put smiles on my friends’ face by sending out a joke last Saturday:

Just a reminder that if you want a child in 11/11/11, you know what to do tonight ;)

Well an unmarried female friend of mine was mighty pissed off. She threatened me with dire consequences. Where have all these sense of humor gone?

Love....Death

On 1st of February woke up to the shocking news of two 19 year olds committing suicides in two different places. They were both the only children of their parents.
Towards the end of article the reason was written. They had been in love for 8 years. The guy was a Muslim and the girl a Hindu. Obviously parents didn’t like it. So the easy solution was sought by two.
The guy had hung himself. The girl tried to hang herself on a tree at the college compound. Later she jumped from the building were the hostel staff found the body in the morning.
Falling in love is a big privilege, ask me. Having been in love for 8 years is an epic that too from the tender age of 11. When I was 11, I used to say ‘Yuck!!’ on hearing about girls ( I was a bit late in these kind of areas).
What is the point in separating souls who wanted to be together from their childhood? Is religion for propagating your beliefs through producing children from your own kind? If religion cannot make a man whole, what is the big point?
The insecurity and inexperience makes the matter worse for these young people. Children mature up sexually really fast nowadays (when I was a kid it was abnormal to see girls with good boobs. But nowadays girls as young as 12 and 13 can give you a sexual arousal). But emotional maturity is attained very late because all the decisions a kid has to take is made by somebody else.
I know people who remained unmarried for 40 years and the parents had to at last agree to the children’s wish. So suicide is not the only solution or method to rebel. Think big guys.
On a personal note I am not going to blame the parents or the suiciders. Life is not exactly black and white.
I am not lucky enough to have fallen in love. My mom has told me that if I ever fall in love it must be someone from my own religion. I don’t know what will I do if I am lucky enough to fall in love with a girl of a different religion.